A contributed perspectives piece by E.K. Knappenberger
I was on a walk downtown the other day with some Australian Quakers traveling around America. Stopping in at the Friendly City Food Coöp — a place which, when referred to in deep Australian accent sounds more like a chicken coop than a grocery store — they asked rather naively what “Friendly City” referred to.
“Ah, the friendly city, how lovely!” said one Quaker. “Is Harrisonburg a city founded by members of the Religious Society of Friends, then?” Nope, but I can see how one might think so with a name like that.1
“So,” she continued, “is Harrisonburg a particularly friendly place?” I’ve never thought so. They aren’t friendly to me when I speak at City Council. Sure wasn’t friendly when they razed this Black side of town for some downtown parking, I replied.
“Oh dear, that is a disappointment, surely.” She paused while redirecting. “There has to be some reason it’s called the ‘Friendly City,’ innit? It must have something to do with all the Mennonites and Brethren in the area.” Afraid not. I replied scornfully. If that were so they would call this town ‘The Passive-Aggressive, Moralizing City’; or maybe just ‘Potluckville.’
“Well, as far as I can tell, there is no good reason to call this place the Friendly City” she intoned. “It certainly doesn’t smell friendly! Unless you like the smell of turkey feed.”
We bought some discount produce while we discussed Harrisonburg’s lesser-known traits, and we walked home in Quaker silence. But it occurred to me on the way back that our town is a highly idiomatic place — unlike Washington, which is by contrast a highly idiotic place. Yes, our town has always been idiosyncratic, though it lacks the characteristic myopia of comparable towns, for which it has suffered in marketing. Therefor I, as Harrisonburg’s self-declared public intellectual laureate, have unilaterally decided that it is time for a rebranding.
Not only is ‘Friendly City’ a misnomer, but as a motto, it is outmoded to boot. For real, what this town needs for a change is some refreshing marketing honesty, in the form of a new moniker. I have compiled a few modest proposals of my own here:
- Harrisonburg: Solving The World’s Problems Since 1779
- Harrisonburg: Land of a Thousand Vapeshops
- Harrisonburg: The Town You Can’t Turn Left In
- Harrisonburg: A Side Project of James Madison University
- Harrisonburg: We Didn’t Mean To Build That Massive Trailer Park
- Harrisonburg: That Sprawl Between Park View and Dayton
- Harrisonburg: At Least We’re Not Elkton
These of course are just suggestions. If the City Council wants to use them, they are welcome to at no additional cost on my account. Of course, there were a few ideas that didn’t make it off the drawing board, so to speak, for reasons of trademark (“Harrisonburg: Costco Capital of the Shenandoah”) or due to historical obscurity (“Harrisonburg: Where Swedish Metal Bands Go To Die”2). Finally, I had to reject a few that just plain weren’t good enough (“Harrisonburg: Formerly Rocktown, Historic Home of Cantrell Avenue”). Yes, we can be confident that these potential mottos would more accurately reflect the essence of our town, while giving no offense to Quakers
I am confident that with the right branding, our fair city can move into a future of prosperity and fame. Given a fresh coat of paint, a new motto, and a new use for the Warren-Sipe House, the possibilities are endless. I am glad to have performed this public service on behalf of the city I love, I mean, the city I grew up in, or at least the city I spend my time trying to turn left in. You guys can thank me all you want, but it’s just all in a day’s work for this public intellectual.
1 The term Quakers refers to a religious denomination of Christians otherwise known as the Religious Society of Friends. More famously, they are brand-management geniuses: e.g. Quaker Oats.
2 — i.e. “Refused,” The Crayola House, 1991.
E.K. Knappenberger is a writer who knows lots of people in Harrisonburg, Virginia. His letters to the newspaper make him the favorite target of Trumpies, though he also criticizes well-meaning liberals. You can reach him at evan.m.knappenberger at gmail.
